More Tanisevania introspection, and Game Drama

Oooookay, first off, here's some more random Tanisevania musings. The party is crossing a vast desert right now, and she's putting off what she thinks she should be doing, so I wanted to get her thoughts in order before we game tonight. Note - while Tanisevania and Frances belong to me, the gaming world and NPCs belong to our DM (Heather), and all other characters belong to their respective players (Grim to Wayne, Vesa to Mark, Boltark to Brennan and Kaleena to Kelli). Please don't use ANY of the characters, including mine, without permission. Ha, as if anyone would be inspired by this to create something else *awkward laughter*

Soooo read on if my passable attempts at writing interest you, otherwise skip this separated section here to less personal DnD talk.
_________________________________________________________________

Tanisevania – Desert Musings

This. Is. So. Boring!

Tanisevania sat atop her camel, just behind Grim, Kaleena, and Vesa, in their ever-growing caravan. They were crossing the desert of Solbrek to reach the Mage Academy that Boltark wanted to visit. Then – because they had agreed to help in exchange for guidance across the sand sea – they were to accompany the brothers Magnus and Angelus to another mysterious tower, where their sister had been taken captive. Then onto the Corelon Zepheroth, so that Grim could fight and prove his strength as King’s Champion. Then, finally, to the south beyond the mountains. The dying forest was there with, hopefully, the truth about the horrors happening to the precious world she loved so much.

She knew she should be fascinated – she had never seen a desert before, and they were a part of nature too. But after days and days of nothing but sand and sunlight, she was getting impatient and irritated. There were no plants, no lush greenery like that which had comforted her soul since she was a child. Yes, she honored this place as a necessary part of nature…..but she had to admit, it was far from her favorite part of it. At least the mountains ahead, where the Mage Academy lay, would be cooler and made of familiar stone and earth. Or at least she hoped so – Magnus and Angelus hadn’t specified, and she didn’t consider herself adept at predicting the climate of this place yet.

She looked behind her at the rest of the group – Boltark, Mariah, Imari, Kankuro, Indigo, Akatia, and now Angelus and Magnus. Although she was frustrated with the journey, she had to admit the brothers were easy on the eyes, and intended on bedding one of them as soon as an opportunity presented itself. Not that that was likely to happen soon. There was no privacy out here, no cover or anything to sneak behind for a moment alone with anyone. What she did sexually was important to her, and an important part of her worship of nature. It reminded her that her body, and all people’s bodies, are wonderful parts of the natural world that can do amazing things and should be honored and worshipped in accordance. There hadn’t been much of that worship going on lately, which only added to her discomfort. It wasn’t that she really cared what people would think if she suddenly dragged Angelus or Magnus or Indigo or Grim off and had her way with them. But she knew it would make some of the onlookers uncomfortable, and she wasn’t much into voyeurism anyway.

She sighed, turning her gaze back to the front of the group. Kaleena was chattering on about something, and as usual Vesa was egging her on, while Grim looked annoyed with them. At least they weren’t trying to provoke him. Well, at least for now. She really appreciated the effort all three of them had put into being “friends” after the fire incident; and she appreciated even more than that how Grim had been so accepting of her love, and understanding of the way she was despite her feelings. She had been so terrified, especially on that first sea journey back to Iskendurun, that jealousy would surface and their relationship would end just as all her others had. Despite the past and her expectations, however, they were managing to make it work. It was as if they had settled into a kind of groove, a way of being together that fit for both of them. They didn’t talk about it much, but she hoped it was the same way for him. She didn’t even feel guilty for sleeping with other people anymore, though she was afraid she would have at first.

The only guilt she felt, really, was that she wasn’t turning around this instant and going straight to the southern forest, as she had been charged to do. That mission was her reason for being here, after all. She wouldn’t even have met her companions if it weren’t for that. Part of her felt like she was betraying her people and nature itself by seeing to Boltark’s, Angelus and Magnus’, and Grim’s needs first. That part screamed inside her heart that she should go to the forest immediately and ignore the needs of the others. Her use for them was over – she managed to get a place in their caravan, and got them to take her here. She should abandon them now and fulfill her duty.

But so much had happened – she was in love with Grim now, Kaleena was like a little sister to her, and the others were like family as well. Some of them might follow her if she left, but most would not. Not only would it break Grim’s heart if she did such a thing, but the rational part of her told her that she needed them. She had no idea what lay beyond those mountains, what had poisoned the forest. It would be arrogant of her to assume that she could confront it all on her own. She would need their help, and could only hope that they would follow her there after the tournament ended. Surely nature itself would understand that – the sacrifice of her life because she was not willing to wait would be a waste. She supposed, if anyone in her Order challenged her decision, she would explain it to them like that. She prayed such a challenge would not come.

She looked down at her lap, surprised out of her reverie as Frances nudged her hand. Smiling sadly, she itched behind her friend’s ears, knowing that things were even worse for the poor badger. Her friendship and support was very important to the Gnome Druid, knowing what Frances had left behind in order to be here with her – the forest, her home, safety. She had considered setting Frances free of the bond they shared several times throughout this quest, to protect her or make her life simple again. But the badger always agreed to follow her, no matter how dangerous or uncomfortable it would become for her. That touched her heart, and she was more grateful for it than she would ever be able to express.

Tanisevania let her thoughts drift off as the group stopped for a bit of a break, and slid off the camel, setting Frances down on the ground to explore while she joined the others. It couldn’t be much longer now. She just had to be patient.
_______________________________________________________________

Okay, that aside, things have been a little crazy in terms of our gaming group itself and I need to vent and think.

Earlier this week, our DM (Heather) sent out an e-mail saying that she was cancelling her game. The way it was written hinted that there was a lot more going on than just her desire to stop DMing, so my girlfriend Kelli and I (Kel, by the way, has played Kaleena, Tharf, and Leila) went over to her house to investigate. This is after we tried e-mailing her back and calling her a number of times, and she didn't respond.

The thing about our gaming group is that most of us are good friends as well, so when life itself is getting crazy, gaming is affected. But our concern in this case was whether or not Heather was all right. Even though we were saddened at the possibility of her game ending, that's not the most important thing going on here. I won't get into details, because its their business, but there is quite a lot of drama going on in Heather's life right now, and as a result of how she was feeling, she cancelled her game.

After talking to us and other players about what's going on, she's decided to keep running it, and we will be playing tonight. I'm relieved and very happy that she's changed her mind, because I care a lot about Tanisevania as a character and want her story to have a resolved ending, but I'm still worried that Heather isn't enjoying herself.

Some people have said to me that gaming isn't about the happiness or enjoyment of the DM - that the only thing that matters is that the players are having a good time. Having been on both sides of the table, I disagree wholeheartedly with this. Yes, player happiness is important, but if the DM isn't enjoying her/himself no one is going to have a fun, rewarding gaming experience in the long run. Happy DMs make good plots make good campaigns. So while I'm excited to still be playing Tanisevania, especially since her subplot is going to be resolved soon, I'm still worried that this isn't what Heather wants. I guess we'll have to see after tonight's session.

This has also affected my campaign a bit, since its made up of a smaller handful of the same players, one of which is directly involved in the drama. We've had to postpone sessions a lot lately because of work schedules and such, and due to certain factors of the drama that I can't get into, I was afraid that one of the players wouldn't be able to game as often - or shouldn't, I should say, because they might be using it as an escape from their own home. But since Heather's running her campaign again, I think mine might work out too.

And even if that one player has to leave the campaign for a while, I do not intend on postponing my game. My campaign has gone through a LOT of hiatuses, and now that Heather might be cancelling her game, I know how the players of my game must have felt every time one of those hiatuses happened. I also remember how people used to talk about my campaign in the past tense, as if it was already over, and how guilty I felt then. But it has a cohesive plot now, and I've put a lot of work into it, and I am not going to let it die out. Granted, I might have to invite someone else to play, cause I like having 3 players better than two and I think I can handle that number of people well now (which is a totally separate thing from the mini-campaign I run for just me and Kel, when we're going through gaming withdrawal). But hopefully I won't have to do that.

Again, I guess we'll see what happens. Seems like I'm ending a lot of these posts lately with that kind of sentiment ^^;