Getting to the Ni-Shanese Druids

Right now in game, Tanisevania needs to seek out the Druids of Ni-Shan (the continent we're on right now) to continue her personal mission. Problem is, they are 2 days walk due south of where we are. The group is planning on heading to the capital, and I have no idea if that's in the same direction at all. So she'll probably have to split off from the party to do this (which actually works out fine, since only one person knows about any of this).

So, her plan (if this works out):

She'll go back into the Tower and leave Frances with Grim, telling him to take care of her while she's gone and that she'll catch up with them when she can. Then she'll leave again, Wild Shape into something fast to get to the last trees they saw, and cast Tree Stride. She'll travel as far as she can that day, then continue on foot for the rest of the day if needed. Then the next morning, she'll prepare that as many times as possible, and cast it as many times as needed to reach them.

More on this after I hear back from our DM.

The 2008 Presidential Race as a DnD Game

E-mailed to me by my friend Heather, but originally written by Somehedgehog over at Livejournal. You can view the original post here. Also, if you want to comment on it, please do so at the original post. I didn't write it, so I want no praise. I just wanted to share, cause its hilarious.

Adventuring Party Politics: The Campaign is Getting Ugly

GM: OK, the bugbear attacks you. What do you do?

OBAMA: I send one of my 672 henchmen after it.

MCCAIN: OK, seriously. Why does he have so many henchmen? I'm a level 72 ranger and he's only a level 8 paladin.

OBAMA: Well, if you'd bought the Grassroots Organizing and Oratory/Colgate Smile proficiencies you could min max it so that you...

MCCAIN: Why is he even IN this campaign? I thought this was supposed to be a high level party.

OBAMA: Well, maybe some people got tired of the grim and squinty "Matterhorn, son of Marathon" shtick you keep doing. Dude, could you be any less original?

MCCAIN: Oh my god, I did not leave my left nut in a tiger cage in the Tomb of Horrors to spend my Friday nights mopping up after the new kid.

OBAMA: "My friends, I am a totally unoriginal grizzled character class stereotype. I should lead the party because I have more testicular damage than that one."

MCCAIN: Yeah, well, you pal around with dark elves.

OBAMA: OH NO YOU DIDN'T.

MCCAIN: Whatever, so's your mom.

OBAMA: So's your FACE.

MCCAIN: So's your Mom's face!

HILARY: WTF you guys. Why am I playing the cleric?

MCCAIN: Hilary, we've been over this.

HILARY: No, dude. I am so sick of being the girlfriend healer. Seriously, I can't even use a sword. Fuck this noise.

KUCINICH: IM A BARD

OBAMA: That's nice.

KUCINICH: MY FAMILIAR IS A PURPLE SNOW LEOPARD

MCCAIN: Oh, Jesus. Here we go.

KUCINICH: DID I MENTION MY WIFE IS A TOTALLY BANGIN DRYAD WITH 20 CHARISMA

HILARY: C'mon you guys, I've been playing this shit since Gygax was in eighth grade. Why can't I be the party leader with the magic sword for once?

MCCAIN: Because no one wants to see you in a bronze bra.

OBAMA: Oh dude, BURRRRRNNNN.

HILARY: SCREW YOU, Grandpa. I will so kick your ass.

MCCAIN: Yeah? Bring it! I didn't spend 3 years in the Abyss with Githzerai hooking my nads up to a car battery to get beat by some Wellesley girl.

HILARY: WHATEVER, you can't even lift your arms over your head.

RON PAUL: I brought my Planescape character!

OBAMA: Dude, we're playing Forgotten Realms.

RON PAUL: I rift in from Sigil! I'm a Chaotic Neutral Tiefling Barbarian/Monk/Rogue!

MCCAIN: DUDE, that is not even LEGAL.

RON PAUL: Ronpaul the Barbarian say: suck it! Guns and abortions and weed for everyone! WHEEE!

PALIN: Hi folks! Sorry I'm late! I brought caribou burgers.

HILARY: Who the HELL is this?

MCCAIN: It's cool, she's with me.

HILARY: No! No, it's not cool! Every time you bring one of your rodeo-queen girlfriends in here she ends up playing some succubus infiltrator and killing the whole party!

MCCAIN: Now, that is patently untrue.

BIDEN: He has a point. Cindy turned out to be a vampire.

MCCAIN: DUDE. SHUT UP.

GM: You guys, seriously, if you don't knock it off with the bickering I'm going to start docking XP.

MCCAIN: You know what? Fuck it. I'm suspending the campaign.

GM: You can't do that! Only I can suspend the campaign! I didn't suspend it for the 1988 Mountain Dew shortage and I'm not going to suspend it now.

KUCINICH: YOU GUYS I AM TOTALLY CASTING A CANTRIP

MCCAIN: Oh my god, Dennis, shut up, you don't even count.

KUCINICH: YOU GUYS ARE DICKS

BIDEN: Where are the Cheetos?

RON PAUL: Wait. What happen to tiny Mormon Man?

GM: You find Mitt's lifeless, drained corpse has been stuffed in the broom closet.

HILARY: Oh, God DAMMIT.

MCAIN: Not ok! NOT OK!

OBAMA: What, I didn't even get a detect evil roll for that one?

HILARY: I TOLD you she was a succubus, but did anyone listen? Oohhhhh no, Hilary's just jealous of the beauty queen.

RON PAUL: Pretty Lady screw Mitt lifeless. Ronpaul SMASH!!

MCCAIN: Would you please go light up a spliff and stay out of this? The grown ups are talking.

RON PAUL: Why pretty lady suck life out of Mitt and not Ronpaul? Not fair!

HILARY: I mean, never mind that I'm the one with 17 Wisdom, but does anyone listen to the girl? Noooooo.

RON PAUL: Also Mitt have stupid name. Who name kid after baseball equipment?

KUCINICH: HAY YOU GUYS CHECK OUT MY HEAD OF VECNA TRICK

HILARY: This never would have happened when Tim Russert was our GM.

GM: You know what? Forget it. Rocks fall, everyone dies.

OBAMA: Screw you guys. I'm going to go play Bunnies and Burrows at Jon Stewart's house.

HILARY: Me too.

MCCAIN: Me too.

KUCINICH: GAZEBO!

On the way to the mountains

Some more Tanisevania inner-monologuing, on the way to the ninja base in the mountains of Ni-Shan. Sooo yeah:

Tanisevania: Inner Thoughts on the Way to the Mountains

While she and her very strange and unexpected companions trudged on towards the ninja’s mountain base, Tanisevania found herself lost in thought, mulling over recent events amidst the small talk and Kaleena’s usual chatter.

The last few days had been very odd, even by her standards. She couldn’t recall ever being so angry, and as such, had not expected to forgive Grim so quickly. She sighed, staring up at the back of his towering hair. He had insulted something of herself that was more a part of her than she had realized. But she knew that his life had been completely different from her own, as if they had lived on different worlds. So as hurt as she had been, she knew he didn’t mean any disrespect, even thought he still hadn’t listened to her. She had to admit, also, that she was glad they were back on good terms. She valued his friendship and company both in and out of bed; he was really the closest friend she had, other than Frances, and she didn’t want to lose that. Part of her was concerned that he took her word as truth so unconditionally, but also relieved – she had been so afraid that he would turn his back on her for deceiving him in their first interactions. Relief filled her in terms of his feelings toward her as well. The way he had reacted to Conalla and Kankuro’s change in relationship, and to the idea of pregnancy, definitely reassured her. Every time he rushed to her aid in battle, though she appreciated it, she worried that he might be falling in love. And she had dealt with that too many times already. So for him to show such disturbance, such lack of comprehension as to why a person would seek only one partner, made her feel much more comfortable.

Conalla, however, was another story. She looked over her shoulder at the short human, noting the closeness and intimacy in the way she stood near Kankuro. Just the night before, she had assured both her and Vesa that she didn’t have feelings for the silent Cleric. Now here she was, reportedly in love. What had gone on in her questioning of him that had changed things? It wasn’t that she was jealous, just…slightly disappointed. She had been looking forward to spending another night with her, and had been happy to find that at least a few of her companions shared her opinions of sex. She could no longer count Conalla among that number, and that saddened her. She was still happy to know her, of course, and grateful for the friendship they had developed. But she worried too that Kankuro might hurt her in the end, based on the suspicions they had held about his heritage. After all, at least one person always gets hurt in these situations, even when there’s no suspicion of any kind. One of them always leaves, either by choice or by death. I do well to stay out of it, and I will leave them alone to deal with that as it comes, but I do not want to see either one of them suffer. Especially Conna. She turned her gaze forward again, glancing down for a moment to smile at Frances. There is still pain in losing friends, of course, but it must be different than the pain of losing one person you’ve devoted your entire heart and body to. I beg of the earth itself that our suspicions about Kankuro are unfounded, and that Conalla will have as little pain in this as possible. Surprised at herself, she stifled a bittersweet chuckle. Before knowing these people, she rarely prayed to nature for entirely selfish reasons.

The group rounded a bend, and looking back once more, the small Druid noticed that Imari and Haedae were hanging back from the rest of them, talking quietly amongst themselves. She frowned. Had Conalla told Kankuro what they suspected, and had her in turn told the two of them? She would have to ask her about that the next time they were alone. She glanced at Vesa, then back at Haedae. If he had tried to talk to her, as he hand planned, it might have gone badly and that could have been the reason she, at least, was walking far behind the main procession. Considering how her friend usually treated the other Bard, she didn’t expect it to go any other way. She was honestly surprised that Haedae remained with them, or didn’t at least stand up for herself.

Well, regardless of what happens in that conversation, I still have to speak to Imari, she thought, trying not to stare at her. She had to admit she was nervous about that. The last time she had talked alone with the fighter, she had acted foolishly and caused days of awkwardness. She knew also that if a similar situation presented itself, she wouldn’t be able to keep her desire in check and prevent herself from trying again. Honestly, she couldn’t help it – Imari was probably the most beautiful woman she had ever seen. It was impossible not to imagine what her body looked like under all that fabric, or what her skin would feel like, what it would taste like to really kiss her. She shook her head, trying to clear it of such visions. No, she needed to keep to the plan and simply ask her questions that might give her information as to whether or not Kankuro was dangerous. Besides, I’ve already taken on the teaching of one virgin, I’m not sure I’d be so successful with another pupil, especially a female one. Women are so much trickier.

Her eyes came to focus on the trees to her right, reminding her of her real purpose in journeying as she was. Above all things, she needed to keep her eyes open and her ears alert for any sign of that horrid disease. She felt guilty enough that she had diverged from her original mission plan in coming to Ni-Shan, but the Elder had given her permission, and she could make some good come from it. She would ask the plants themselves as she travelled if they knew of any such sickness, and once they reached the mountains, she would seek the Druids there and at least alert them of the problem. Of course, they might have already received word from the Elders, but there was a chance that the news hadn’t reached this far. For now, however, all she could do was continue to question the local plant life in every place they stopped and keep her senses open for any signs.

She was jarred out of thought as the group finally stopped to make camp. The fact that they had gone a full day without attack was comforting, considering how much she abhorred battle, but it also made her a little uneasy. They would all have to be extra careful during their watches. Sighing with the weight of all she had to worry about, she called Frances closer to her side and set off to forage for dinner. If anything helped clear her head, other than more physical options, it would be focusing her energies on the here and now, and what needed to be attended to immediately.

6 Random Things About Me

Tagged by my girlfriend, LadyDragonTear, and posted here because I don't really know where else to post it. And no, I won't be tagging anyone, even though its in the rules.

Here are the rules....
Link to the person who tagged you.
Post the rules on your blog.
Write six random things about yourself.
Tag six people at the end of your post.
Let each person know that they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
Let the tagger know your entry is up.

1. I am so terrified of losing the comfort/security of actually having a job, even though I hate the job I have, that I a) put up with way more bullshit from my "superiors" at work than I ought to and b) stupidly haven't looked for anything better until I was pushed to today.

2. I think I only look really beautiful after I've cried. And I don't mean just a few tears, I mean sobbing. That brings color to my face in a way that just looks good, I think.

3. I wish I was brave enough to tell my mother that I was raped, but I'm afraid that knowing that will hurt her.

4. I still watch Sailormoon sometimes.

5. The fact that I'm writing fanfiction again has made me feel more creative than anything I've drawn recently. I think that's because the opinion that I'm "unoriginal" has been ingrained very deeply into my subconcious by a certain someone, but I could write a book about that, so I won't get into it here.

6. I have this weird, very distinct seperation between fantasy and science fiction in my head. Like they exist on two different planets or something. So even though I've played in some modern fantasy games, and I like certain series like Runaways and Buffy that have fantasy magic in a modern world, I will never truly be comfortable with a Gnome holding a gun.

Look, that last one relates to this blog! Even though half of these were more personal than I intended. Oh well, no one reads this anyway.

Some new additions

Hello! If anyone is looking at this, you might have noticed that I added a few things to the page. There is now a pin-up girl picture on the side *gestures to the right* ...which doesn't really fit in with the DnD theme, really. At all. I know. But pin-ups are really, really hot, so they're here to stay for a while. Also, at the bottom, you can play Zelda!!! Mostly I put that there so my girlfriend can play it, but I also think it fits with the whole DnD geekery thing, so that's staying too.

Yup. Yay for widgets ^o^

Tanisevania and dead things

After a very interesting, amusing, and slightly angsty session last night, I have some more *gasp* character development to write down. Many thanks to my wonderful girlfriend for asking me questions to make me flesh this out.

Tanisevania has some very odd views on death. She obviously sees it as a necessary part of the natural cycle, as a Druid, but is uncomfortable with it because she believes she killed her mother by being born. These two things combine to create interesting beliefs in terms of corpses. She hates the undead, like all Druids, seeing them as a desecration of nature itself. But she also sees disrespect or defilement of a corpse as something completely horrible and wrong. To her, when a body dies, it becomes a part of nature again, it belongs to nature. So it is something sacred, as nature is sacred. Plants or animals that have been killed and made into other things, like food or clothes, are a different story. She understands that these are necessary parts of how the world functions, and they die to create something new that will sustain more life, so she accepts that and sees sacredness in that process. But a body, that of a person, plant, or animal that does not die for such a purpose, re-enters the cycle by naturally decomposing to create nutrients in the soil to help grow more plants, and so on. This applies to any body, even those of enemies, because the body left behind is no longer attached to the spirit that did her or her friends harm. As for rocks and other things that don't "grow" like plants, animals, and people do, she respects them greatly, but understands that that's different too. After all, if she were to take offense at the desecration of, say, the ground, she'd have to get angry anytime a person walked anywhere. She sees earth, and the other elements, as basic forms of nature for sustaining life, but not something that has the power to break down and create life anew that bodies have. This would also, then, tie into her sexuality. She is obviously awed by the things that bodies can do, even in death, so maybe that is part of her motivation for having as many lovers as possible - its like a form of worship to her, acknowledging the power of the body as a part of nature.

So with all that in mind, here's a model for future behavior. If any party members were to joke around by, say, making a dead person, animal, or plant "dance," or chop off body parts or anything like that, she will take GREAT offense. The level of offense is obviously going to be different in each circumstance, but in the cases that someone who knows how she feels does something like that anyway, she will be quite upset. Any such pranks involving processed body parts (Gods, that sounds wrong), like foodstuffs or clothes, won't bother her. And pranks involving elements, like rocks or something, won't either.

In case anyone is wondering, this was brought about by some in-game stuff. Grim, who Tanisevania's been teaching both sexually and about life and nature, was making jokes by using the corpse of one of our fallen enemies as a puppet. She was horrified, and explained to him why she thought that was wrong. Later that night, we fought and defeated some demons who stumbled onto our camp, and after she went to sleep he chopped off one of their heads to take back to town with us. Vesa, our human bard, and Kaleena, our Kender rogue, decided to take the head during the night and play a trick on one of the NPC's with it. So in the morning, there was much chaos, and Tanisevania found out what Grim had done. She was furious, and to try and make it better, he told her he only took it to take to town so we could show the townspeople that we protected them ,and use that leverage to get free rooms in exchange for that protection. The fact that he planned to use a body part as currency made the situation even worse. She stormed off, and he went on ahead to go on with his plan anyway, half the party in tow. Her half of the party set out later, missing what happened when Grim reached the town. However, when both halves met up again, Vesa apologized to Tanisevania for her part in it (which she hadn't occurred to be mad at him for, since she was so angry with Grim), and told her what happened while they were apart: Grim did indeed take the head into the inn and plopped it down on the counter in front of the manager, who was mortified, demanding rooms in exchange for us having "saved them the trouble" of defeating these demons. Imari, another NPC, had to calm the man down and paid for our rooms in full. Because of this, the townspeople are very uncomfortable with us.

Tanisevania sees Grim's actions, both in taking the head and in still carrying out his plans, as a complete disregard of her feelings and total disrespect not only to nature, which he asked her to teach him about, but to her as well. She is very hurt by this, since he's her best humanoid friend. When she sees him, she's going to tell him this, and all lessons (both of the natural and sexual kind) are over until he proves he will start listening to her. I know out-of-character that he had Imari help him set up something pretty involving flowers and a new kimono as an apology, which she doesn't know about yet. But it is not going to be enough, and she will tell him so when he shows her. If she finds out Imari helped, though, she will thank her. She will also try to take the kimono anyway and give it to the local temple to sell for charity. Also this night, she'll use magic to talk to the local animals or plants and ask if the disease that haunts Iskendurun's forests has touched Ni-Shan yet. If that doesn't work, she'll seek out a local Druid. Then she'll spend her night in Conalla's bed, instead of Grim's.

Soooo yeah. That's that. Sorry for the verboseness and the extra planning, but hopefully it was an interesting read, if anyone actually reads this.

Getting in the Mood

Sooo I haven't exactly been blogging a lot recently, have I? I blame that nearly entirely on the fact that since I got the last two hardcover compliations of Runaways, I've been in a superhero-mood. Ehehehe ^^; So for the last couple of Sundays (that's when my group games) I've had a bit of difficulty getting in the mood to play DnD. And they are quite seperate things, even though I admit I am attracted to both, er, genres for similar reasons. Superhero stuff seems more Sci-fi to me, while DnD is obviously fantasy, and I've always had a problem relating them both in my mind. Its like they exist on different planets in my brain. I have no idea why that is, its just a very weird part of who I am.

But yeah, I need to kick my superhero-obsession to the backseat for tonight so I can play Tanisevania the best that I can. ...Therein lies a problem too, though. I'm either getting bored or frustrated, or both, with playing her. She is really easy for me to play and relate to in most ways. She's a good person, would rather run away from a fight than have one, cares about her friends, etc etc. Even her role as "conscience" to Grim is easy and very interesting to play. But I am still struggling with her sexuality and non-relationshippy-ness. I made her a big ho for a very specific reason - to keep her out of relationships. Technically that is working, but it is SOOOOOO hard for me to play!!! I have this natural tendency to push my characters into relationships. And because it would seem awkward for me to have one of my characters in a relationship with another PC (especially since I'm good friends with pretty much everyone else in my group), my characters used often ended up with my girlfriend's characters. I recieved some very hurtful criticism for that, and so to prove that I am a good roleplayer "despite" that, I decided to keep Tanisevania out of relationships. And the way I went about that, obviously, was to make her very sexually free. She's an interesting character, and that's a very interesting part of her, but...ugh!!! She has slept with about half the party at this point, which I've muddled through, but she sleeps with one character more than others - Grim, who's played by my friend Wayne. I've actually gotten pretty comfortable with their banter, and its been established that they are very close friends now too. I could easily see them working as a couple, but a) my character is a ho, and would probably end up cheating on him and b) that would be even more awkward for me, since Wayne is a good friend of mine. So I'll focus on that. No matter how awkward Tanisevania's ho-ish-ness is to play, playing her in a relationship with the character of one of my friends would be even worse.

Anyway, to get back on topic, I should have about an hour and a half to two hours between when I get off work and have to go to game in which to try and get in the right mindset. I have a piece of (superhero-related) artwork I want to finish enough that I can take it out of my sketchbook, but that shouldn't take long. Maybe after that I'll reread all the backstory stuff I have for Tanisevania. And/or look at fantasy stuff online. I dunno. But I at least have to make an attempt.

Eve Ensler on Sarah Palin

As the title says - http://www.huffingtonpost.com/eve-ensler/drill-drill-drill_b_124829.html

I know this isn't gaming-related, but...Everyone, PLEASE go read this!!! She puts in to words what we should all be thinking. If the McCain/Palin team is elected, we will ALL suffer.

Thanks :)

Drastic change of plans, yeesh

I planned on doing this with our DM over e-mail, but as that's not going to happen, I'm going to make notes about Tanisevania's actions here so I can refer to them before next session. The party just found out that we're being sent to NiShan, which is on the opposite side of the world from the continent her Elders sent her here to get to. So...

- After leaving the hall, she'd leave the city, going to find Frances and find a stream to literally cool off in. She'll use her speak with burrowing animals ability to tell Frances what happened (note to self - look up what she originally told her about the mission).
- Once she calms down, she'll do one of three things:

One - if Druids have a way of contacting other Druids in the area, she'll do that, and explain the situation to whoever shows up. She'll ask one of them to take/send a message to Eden or the Elder and let them know of the change, and come back with a reply.

Two - if not, she'll go to the temple of Ehlonna, ObadHai, or some other nature deity, and purchase a Sending to Eden (if she can afford it).

Three - or if all else fails, she'll use Wild Shape to travel there herself, though I have to look up the specs to see if that's even possible (like if it only lasts so many rounds, and if she'd be able to travel there and back within a week).

And I guess that's all I can go on until I get a DM answer.

Thoughts on the party

Wow I haven't posted on here in a long time.

Anyway, I just feel like rambling a little after the session we had last night. Our characters are back on their way to the capital after a successful quest, in which we saved both the Princess of the country, and a friend some of us made during the fighting tournament. Huzzah! Our trip took the entirety of the session, as we were attacked many times - first by 8 ogres, then by bugbears, and then by 15 goblins. Much yikes. Apparently it was dragged out because our DM didn't have time to prepare anything (she told us this at the end), but as for in-game thinking, I wonder if someone was hiring the beasties to slow our return or prevent it altogether. Those goblins did have a lot of money on them, after all. Hmmm...

I do have to pay attention to the specifics of where my character left off, and her plans for the future. Recap: the reason she attended the tournament and seduced Grim was because an Elder sent her on a mission to find out the cause of a sickness harming the world's forests. The tournament champion is to be sent by the King to the place where this sickness is rumored to have originated (for other reasons, probably some diplomacy thing), so Tanisevania was ordered to join his caravan and go there to seek answers and a cure. The side quest to save the princess and their friend was not part of her mission, but she went on it because a) Grim was going, and she needs to remain in his favor, b) the King ordered her and the rest of the party too, and she understands that kings have power that could mean her death, and c) she thought the chance to save a life was important. On the way back, she argued with the party cleric, Conalla, because she was littering. So she was mad at her for a while, but during the fight with the ogres, Conalla was almost killed (got down to -5 HP). She was very edgy and quiet and distant after that, so when the group stopped to make camp for the night, Tanisevania went over to see if she wanted to talk. In the ensuing conversation they kinda bonded, despite what happened earlier. The next day passed, and we got attacked some more, but we left off having set up a big tent around our campfire and everyone was drinking and playing music or dancing.

So some notes - it was probably getting warm in the tent, so Tanisevania might shed some or all of her clothing. I'll have to specify that when we begin next week. She's also beginning to see Conalla as a friend, and I think that if the opportunity arose, she might put some moves on her. This might be a bit awkward for me, as Connala is played by another friend of mine. But Grim is played by one of my friends, and I've been doing okay roleplaying the "educational relationship" between our characters, so I think it'll be okay. But in any case, we'll need to see what happens. She probably won't try anything until we're all on the way to the continent she's been ordered to go to, as she needs to focus on Grim and keeping their friendship intact so he'll take her with him. She really does consider him her friend, but understands that her purpose as a Druid comes first. So she's keeping her reasons for seeking his attention a secret, and trying to make herself indispensable as his teacher. Luckily he hasn't thought to ask her why she was interested in him in the first place *knock on wood* She also considers Kaleena, my girlfriend's character, a friend now, but is not physically attracted to her. She and Vesa, my friend Mark's character, became friends early in the game, and ended up having sex pretty early on. She enjoys his company, but he wasn't as good in the sack as she thought he'd be, and the vast differences in their heights probably proved awkward, so she won't be seeking his bed again. If he propositions her in the future, though, she won't say no. Red, played by Rob, is still more of an acquaintance to her than a friend, though she is friendly to him because he and Grim are getting along well. Boltark, played by Brennan, is also becoming a friend to her, especially since he helped her look for her lost henna. However, she doesn't feel as close to him as she feels to Grim, Kaleena, Vesa, and Conalla yet. That may change as we all spend more time together. As for NPC's, she sees Kankuro as an acquaintance, but sees Imari as a friend (an unattainable sexually because of how hot she is, though she is VERY attracted to her). And despite the fact that she was angry at Princess Isadora for deceiving them and putting herself in danger, she respects her decision to come with the party to find the cure for her illness despite the illness, and thus respects her more now.

And now I better go, as my shift at work is technically over ^^;

Where my character left off

Yeah I know, I just posted something else. But I had more to say that had nothing to do with all that, so think of this as something totally separate. Pretend its on another day even.

I just wanted to write out my character Tanisevania's current situation, since she was in the middle of an altered state when we left off this session. I should then be able to reread this next Sunday and better get back into her state of mind.

Our party had just been attacked by three warg-riding Goblins, while we were travelling on horseback. This gave few of us time to dismount so we could fight better. My character did not, so she was still on her pony holding her badger Frances when the attack came to her. Her plan was to ride the pony away from the battle, then cast Summon Nature's Ally and send a Dire Badger in to fight in her place. However, one of the wargs reached her first, damaging her and knocking her and Frances off the pony.

I have mentioned before that she's a pacifist. Until now this has all been theory, because she's never been in real battles. We had had one battle before this that day, but we were able to prepare for it, and she was able to send a summoned creature in and stay out of it herself. So this was the first time ever, probably in her whole life, that she'd ever been attacked. She wasn't hurt too badly, but she panicked anyway and did the first thing she could think of. She had gotten a magical waterskin the previous night as a gift from one of the NPC's. All she knew about it was that its command word was "Stream." So, in her panic, she tore it from her belt and activated it, thinking that it might knock the Goblin (who was on the ground at this point, the warg having been killed by other party members) away from her.

Instead, all it did was create a very slow-moving stream of water, letting out a gallon per round. She cursed and fled, Frances following her (and she stopped the water too, but on the way, so she left a trail). She then sank down behind a tree, huddling and clutching at her wound. After the battle, Grim came and found her. She was still huddling there, acting shaken. Very concerned, he took her to Conalla (the new party cleric) and demanded she heal her. She did, curing half the damage, which calmed Tanisevania down a bit. She also managed to croak out a thank you to both of them. She continued to let Grim hold her, however, her head laying on his shoulder.

She's still going to be like this when we pick up next week. I know Grim's rage is going to end soon, and if he tired very suddenly, she would ask him to put her down. Then she would attend to the horses, making sure none of them were hurt. She'd get back on her pony and ride as usual, but she'd be very quiet, and noticeabley pale. When we make camp again, she'll probably make a point of not volunteering for any of the watches, wanting to sleep off her embarassment and fear.

And I think that's all. Hopefully this helps me next week :)

Roleplay-related Rant

Well, sort of a rant. More of a discussion with myself.

Anyway, my girlfriend and I just got back from a session of the DnD game our friend Heather runs and we play in, along with other friends of ours. She's playing a Kender rogue, and I'm playing my Gnome druid. As a Kender, her character is very outspoken and chatty and active and such, and she does an amazing job playing her.

My character, who's named Tanisevania and has been mentioned already here in great detail, is very different both from my girlfriend's character and any other character I've ever played. She's kinda passive, and not as outspoken as she could be. She's also a pacifist, so she hates being engaged in battle or having to deal with fighting. This can lead to situations where she is.... well, not as active in roleplay as others. We also play with a very chaotic group of people, and I'm VERY passive, so sometimes its hard for me to get a word in.

Anyway, when we came home tonight, we talked about the amount of additional roleplay-based experience we got from the DM. We either got the same amount or she got less, I'm not sure. Her character did quite a bit this session - I think we all did, and played our characters well. Because of all the chaos, however, some of what she did probably was lost to the DM (she sits at the other end of the table from her), so she probably didn't get XP for all of it. When discussing this, she said that she did more than I did, so she should have gotten more XP than me.

That is technically true, but it has lead me to interesting thoughts. In tonight's session, I played my character as best I could. She was quieter than most in many situations because that's more her nature. She's not as outspoken as most of the other characters. So, how much of that is roleplay accurate, and should I be missing out on XP because of it?

Most of the roleplay I've done thus far while playing her has been in one-on-one situations with other characters or in very small groups. She's only had to interact with large numbers of people a few times, and in all those situations, I have kinda clammed up.

The first was a bar brawl, only in a fancy restaurant, so she hid under a table for the extent of it. The brawl actually formed out of a party, and while that was going on, I did do some roleplay via secret paper to Wayne, who is playing the character my character is currently sleeping with. But when the fight began, she just did that, and I didn't do much of anything.

The second was a royal ball, for which some of us got to go to the palace. Before it started, when she was mingling with only a few other people, I was better at playing her. But when the ball started, I just sat back and let the assumption go that she was dancing with anyone who asked her and making small talk. Again, I didn't do much of anything.

Then tonight, we ended up finally with the whole party in one place. There's six of us, plus 3 NPC's now, so that's a considerable group too. I was better at getting her to interact with people than the previous two examples, but I can still see what my girlfriend meant. There was a lot more that I could have done. There's a woman in our party, a human cleric named Conalla, who is a total stranger to all of us. My character would have talked to her more to try and figure out what kind of person she was. The small quest we're on now is also taking her away from her main goal, and I hinted at her discomfort and distractedness a bit, but I could have played it out more. We're travelling now too, on a road through the forest, so she's MUCH more comfortable now than she has been at any point since we started playing. I blatantly stated this, but I could have made it obvious with examples instead. Like maybe she should have been humming, and have a more relaxed posture, and looking around happily. Stuff like that. But I didn't. She also didn't really do any roleplay with Grim (Wayne's character) to explain why they couldn't have sex while they were camping with the whole party, and now that I think about it, that would have been crucial. Crap.

Okay, my girlfriend was entirely right. I kinda sucked at the roleplay thing tonight. I am not entirely blaming myself though. I have difficulty getting a word in when everyone else is chattering around me, so that made it difficult. But I should have tried harder. Yes, based on past roleplay, Tanisevania seems uncomfortable in huge crowds. But that's no excuse for her to not interact with the party.

I will try harder next week. Ugh, I feel like an ass.

Another Tanisevania inner monologue

I think the title for this is pretty self-explanatory. But here's a bit of set-up: my ho-ish Druid character has been pursuing Grimsflame, a Dwarven Barbarian competing in a fighting tournament. Initially she did this out of the belief that he was going to win, and she still believes that, but as she's learned more and more about him she's beginning to consider him a friend. She also learned that he is literally fighting for his life in this tournament, as in if he wins, he will be free from the Gladiator arena thing that owns him. After learning that, she truly wanted him to win not only for her initial reasons (which I won't get into here), but also for her own. She still continued to pursue him, now genuinely interested, and tried to take him to bed with her the night before the last day of the tournament (at least I think its the last day...that's not important). She had assumed before this that he had had sex many times before, being a big badass fighter and all. However, it turned out that he was a virgin, and she had to explain what sex was to him. She offered them to teach him about sex, and he accepted, so they did it ^^; That was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do in roleplaying, and I'm very proud of myself for it.

Anyway, I think that's all you need to know (if anyone actually reads this, that is). Here's Tanisevania's thoughts after they've finished, and Grim starts falling asleep.

~~~~~

“Afterthoughts” – Tanisevania’s musings after “teaching” Grim

Spent and exhausted, Tanisevania rolled onto her back, listening to Grim’s steady breathing as he drifted off to sleep beside her. She was tired, but surprise kept her from joining him in slumber. There was no other way to put it – she had expected that such a great warrior would have bedded many women before her. So that he hadn’t, ever, came as a shock. Also shocking was that despite his inexperience, he wasn’t bad. He had actually been better, in her opinion, than Vesa had been, all drunkenness considered. She rolled back over onto her side, grinning into her pillow to keep from giggling. I must be a better teacher than I thought too.

Her hand crept from under the covers to reach up and lightly trace one of the scars on his muscled arms. She had barely noticed them before, and this comforted her. Her desire to help him must have been stronger than the feelings such marks stirred in her heart. She had wanted to help him even before this night, to save him from the slave-like life he seemed to lead as a Gladiator. Now that was unnecessary, as his new employer had settled his freedom, but she was happy she could still help him somehow. Strange, she thought, I actually felt honored that he accepted my “teaching.” She had never been with a virgin before, to her knowledge, and the experience had been far from the horrible stories she had heard from others. It had been a bit awkward, but they could work on that, if he wanted her to keep teaching him. She would just have to make sure he understood that she only wanted the sex and his friendship, not his love.

She sighed, reminding herself that her interest in him was not only of her own desires. She had a duty to fulfill to nature itself. Still, she had started this believing that he would win, and despite the fact that his future no longer hung in the balance, she continued to believe it. She knew also that if she continued to be his teacher in these matters, she could use that to get him to take her on the journey expected. A slight groan escaped her lips. She hated using him like this, especially now that she was beginning to consider him a friend. Silently, she wondered how angry he would be if she never told him the truth and he found out on his own. Images of his ferocity in battle flooded her mind, and she shivered. She did not want to imagine the result of that anger.

But she also knew that any fear she had for herself was nothing in comparison to the fate that awaited the earth if that terrible disease was allowed to spread. Honoring nature was her true purpose in all things, and she would do so, no matter what the cost. In fact, she realized, if Grim does want me to be loyal to him, it might be easiest to explain it like that. I belong to the earth itself, far too much to belong also to any one man or woman…

As she finally drifted off to sleep, she resolved to tell him the truth if he won, but only the bare minimum of it. There was still danger that others would abuse the knowledge of her quest, even if Grim would not do so. She would tell him that she wanted to travel to that continent, but would not give any reasons other than her own personal wish to see what nature was like there. Hopefully he wouldn’t press her for further answers and would agree to take her along.

With that she let her eyes droop shut and her body sink further into the mattress, satisfied with the situation and hopeful that it would turn out well for them both.

Tanisevania ~ relationships/sexual history

Ta da, its done! This is the relationship/sexual history of my Gnome Druid, Tanisevania. Yes, I know I'm putting waaaaay too much work into this character, but she's really interesting and I want to make sure I play her right since she's so different from me.

So anyway, without further ado...

~~~~~

Tanisevania – relationship/sexual history

~ First she dates a boy named Arrumwed “Ashfoot” Oaen, shortly after she hits puberty. They stay involved for about a year. She sleeps with him, and is loyal to him, until...

~ A musician nicknamed Sweetsong catches her eye and she cheats on Arrumwed with him. She guiltily confesses it to Arrumwed soon after, and they break up. Sweetsong asks her to start a relationship with him, and she tries because that is what is expected of her. It last 3 weeks. She breaks up with him because she can't stand how romantic and lovey-dovey he's being.

~ Two months later, she finally admits that she's attracted to women, and tries going out with a girl named Erfenna Skorseg. They keep it a secret, but Erfenna begins having problems with having to be so secretive after a month. Tanisevania finds she likes the secrecy even though it’s putting a strain on the relationship, and she can't figure out why. She tries to keep at it for two more weeks, but then...

~ A traveling band of Halflings stops in town. They have a daughter about Tanisevania's age named Isra, whom she befriends, and they end up sleeping together before the family leaves. The Halfling girl does not want to start a relationship at all, so this is Tanisevania's first taste of that being an option. She breaks up with Erfenna the next day, though she doesn't tell her that she cheated. She continues to regret this, feeling like she should have told her the truth.

~ Three months later, she has a one night stand with another boy named Gaerabar. She finds that she likes the unattached sex, but he wants more, and begins acting very possessive of her.

~ A week after that, she sleeps with another boy called Stumble, and Gaerabar gets very angry. He starts a fight with Stumble, who actually only wanted a one-night stand as well. Because of this fight Tanisevania starts to get a bit of a bad reputation despite the open view of sexuality and love that Gnomes have.

~ About two months later, out of guilt for what happened with the last two boys, she starts a relationship with another. His name is Flanavan “Laughing Hands” Varherl Fendal. He is very kind to her and they become good friends, but it still doesn't work for her. After 3 months of trying and being miserable, she breaks it off, certain now that a relationship is not what she wants or needs.

~ About a month and a half later, she finds Eden and enters her Druidic training. While training as a Druid, she sleeps with some of the other "students," but keeps her distance and her secrets because of the mortality rate. Those she chooses to take to bed appear to have the same attitude about sexual encounters that she has come to embrace, and she begins to feel comfortable with her sexuality for the first time.

~ After officially becoming a Druid, she takes off to wander the world on her own and look for a place to create a Grove. She visits several brothels, and has three one night stands with men she runs into, but only in situations where she trusts them enough for that. Otherwise, she keeps to herself and to the forest.

~ Time passes, and as she sets out on the quest the elder gave her, she stays entirely away from any "civilization." She thus doesn't have any sexual encounters until she gets to Debash. Which is probably why she is so eager to visit the brothel when Vesa suggests it.

~~~~~

This is the final version (unless my DM has a problem with it). I'm also planning on turning the section about Tanisevania, Erfenna, and Isra into a short comic, for practice in making comics. 'Twill be fun ^_^ I'll post stuff for that here too when I have more, as its DnD related. Aaaaaand that's it for today.

More Tanisevania plans

Okays, Tanisevania just leveled up (to level 2, gods we are so squishable), and I had to go through her stats and so on and so forth to get her all set for next session. This included updating her spell list (though she can change what spells she has per day, as she's a Druid), and I came up with an interesting plan.

The next morning she's going to take the spell "Guidance," which is a +1 to any save, attack roll, skill, etc. one time. It doesn't sound that impressive, but its going to be VERY useful roleplay-wise. She's trying to seduce a fighter named Grim (played by my friend Wayne), and he's currently in a tournament, which is why she's in the city. She'll mediatate for that spell, then try to find him before the matches begin this coming day. If he's all right with it, she'll cast "Guidance" on him, which might not do a world of help but it will show him that she cares about him winning.

Soooo yeah. Go me with the planning *dances*

Aaaaaand I have some other, retcon-like plans, which have to do with detailing her relationship/sexual history. I figure someone might ask at some point and I should have the info available so I won't have to pull it out of my ass when the time comes. Here's what I have in mind so far:

~ First she dates a boy, shortly after she hits puberty. They stay involved for about a year. She sleeps with him, and is loyal to him, until...
~ Another boy catches her eye and she cheats on Boy 1 with this new guy. She guiltily confesses it to Boy 1 soon after, and they break up. Boy 2 asks her to start a relationship with him, and she tries because that is what is expected of her. It last 3 weeks. She breaks up with him because she can't stand how romantic and lovey-dovey he's being.
~ A while later, she finally admits that she's attracted to women, and tries going out with a girl. They keep it a secret, but the girl begins having problems with having to be so secretive after a month. Tanisevania finds she likes the secrecy even though its putting a strain on the relationship, and she can't figure out why. She tries to keep at it for two more weeks, but then...
~ A travelling band of Elves, actually a whole family of Bards, stops in town. They have a daughter about Tanisevania's age, whom she befriends, and they end up sleeping together before the family leaves. The Elf girl does not want to start a relationship at all, so this is Tanisevania's first taste of that being an option. She breaks up with her girlfriend the next day, though she doesn't tell her that she cheated (which is something she regrets).
~ Another while later, she has a one night stand with another boy. She finds that she likes the unnattached sex, but he wants more, and begins acting very posessive of her.
~ A week after that, she sleeps with another boy, and Boy 3 gets very angry. He starts a fight with this new guy, Boy 4, who actually only wanted a one-night stand as well. Because of this fight Tanisevania starts to get a bit of a bad reputation.
~ About two months later, out of guilt for what happened with the last two boys, she starts a relationship with another. He is very kind to her and they become good friends, but it still doesn't work. After 3 months of trying and being miserable, she breaks it off, certain now that a relationship is not what she wants or needs.
~ Shortly after this, she finds Eden and enters her Druidic training. While training as a Druid, she sleeps with some of the other "students," but keeps her distance and her secrets because of the mortality rate. Those she chooses to take to bed appear to have the same attitude about sexual encounters that she has come to embrace, and she begins to feel comfortable with her sexuality for the first time.
~ After officially becoming a Druid, she takes off to wander the world on her own and look for a place to create a Grove. She visits one brothel, and has three one night stands with men she runs into, but only in situations where she trusts them enough for that. Otherwise, she keeps to herself and to the forest.
~ Time passes, and as she sets out on the quest the elder gave her, she stays entirely away from any "civilization." She thus doesn't get any until she gets to Debash. Which is probably why she is so eager to visit the brothel when Vesa suggests it ^_^

I'll flesh this out more with names and descriptions when I have "Races of Stone" with me, but I wanted to at least get this all down and get started. Yup. Aaaand I think that's it.

Tanisevania at the Tournament

Wow, its been a long time. However, we just started a new campaign. Huzzah! I am now offifically playing Tanisevania, my Gnomish Druid.

Last night's session was AWESOME!!! And so far she's easier to play than I thought she would be. However, a lot of her reactions to the other characters and the opinions she formed were not voiced, so I felt the need to type out her thought process over the day she spent attending a fighting tournament. Here that is.

~~~~~

As Tanisevania settled down in her seat next to Vesa, she immediately began staring down at the assembled fighters, studying each as they presented their arms. She didn’t know very much about fighting, or this practice in it, but it seemed as good a time as any to try and figure out who her plan was going to lead her to.

Her plan was simple. She would use her sex appeal, though it wasn’t that impressive, to seduce the winner and get into the caravan through that “bond.” Most of the fighters were male, and she could only hope they were attracted to women. The only woman competing, the one with the bright red hair who danced with fire, had implied in her actions yesterday that she was attracted to men. At least, that’s how it seemed to her based on her reaction to seeing that Dwarven fighter with the odd hair. There was no denying that she was very beautiful, but even if she took interest in women, her looks and apparent skill put her way out of Tanisevania’s league. She sighed, accepting this. After all, not all women who were attracted to their own sex would be attracted to someone like her. It would probably be far easier to attract one of the male fighters, assuming at least a few of them liked women, and could be easily distracted with breasts. In her experience, that wasn’t too hard to do if the man in question fancied women. But she understood too that the men here might not be like the ones in her hometown, so nothing was guaranteed. She would need to do her absolute best to make the plan work, as she didn’t know how else she was going to get into that caravan.

The battles began, and she watched attentively. Every time someone fell it made her wince. She had never been a fan of combat; she hadn’t even participated in the duels that were part of Gnomish culture. If she succeeded and for some reason the winning fighter developed an attachment to her, it might be difficult for her to continue the charade, having an outlook on his or her life that was so different from her own. She didn’t really want to lie, either, but she didn’t see any other way of accomplishing this. She sighed again, softly, so Vesa wouldn’t notice.
Another person had fallen, this time a fighter with scars all over his face. One of them disfigured his mouth on one end. She stared at it, knowing no one would notice her doing so. It was petty and shallow, she knew, but disfigurement of the body often made her uncomfortable. A disfigured body always reminded her of death, and death reminded her of her mother, and how she herself was responsible for…

She shivered, forcing herself to look away from the fallen warrior. She hated the ugliness within herself that made her relieved that he had not won.

As the next battle began, she refocused her attention and continued watching. Eventually, another man of note began to win his own battle, fighting with a bow and arrow instead of a weapon suited to close combat. His style of fighting made her pay attention. Even though she didn’t know much about weapons, she thought this looked…odd, but it was definitely more to her tastes. She too was one to stay farther away from danger. He wasn’t very handsome, but she thought maybe his personality would be one more akin to hers. She would have to wait and see what became of him.

Soon after that, the Dwarven warrior began his battle. He was ferocious and violent; almost every strike of his weapon made her wince. His opponent appeared to fall easily, and she relaxed. It was over. However, the warrior stood over the defeated man, raising his weapon high and looking at the King. It was clear, even to her, that he would kill this man if the King desired it. Her discomfort at his viciousness in battle turned to fear. Would he really kill this man, who he had already defeated? To her relief, the King motioned for him to stand down, and he did so. However, he still raised the man over his head and threw him, hitting him again with the end of his weapon, as if defeat was not humiliation enough. She watched him leave the battlefield, more confused than she had been since she arrived in this strange place.

~~~

The lunch gong rang, and after some deliberation, it was clear to Tanisevania what she must do. She had gone over the results of the battles, weighing each of the victors in her mind. It seemed that the two most likely winners so far were the man with the bow and arrow, and the Dwarven warrior. And out of the two of them, she was fairly certain who would succeed.

Her feet had carried her to the vendors, and she looked around, sure he was seeking his lunch. When she spotted him, she drew all her courage to herself and sauntered over to him. He didn’t notice her at first – too absorbed in his lunch, which he was smearing all over his beard in the process of eating it. She said hello, and he looked around, then down at her. His eyes immediately went to her cleavage. She smiled. Good. As she continued to flirt with the man, whose name turned out to be Grim, she relaxed. Something about the way he acted, his face flushing and his eyes trying their hardest to stay away from her bosom, instilled in her the confidence that if he won, she would not have a hard time of winning him. She even let herself be bold and kiss him on the cheek before she left him. Despite her discomfort in how he fought, she was glad that he might win the tournament, and began to hope for that outcome…as long as he didn’t kill anyone in the process.

She purchased her lunch and made to return to her seat when she bumped into the Kender woman again. Kaleena chattered on at her about the matches, and she smiled and listened politely. She didn’t know much about Kender, but so far this one was amusing. Kaleena mentioned that the man who fought with the bow and arrows was a friend of hers, and Tanisevania made note of this. If he were to win, or even continue doing well, she would have to ask her to introduce her to him. She invited her to join her and Vesa in the stands, but Kaleena declined, suggesting instead that Tanisevania join her up on the wall. Staring up on it, she too had to refuse, and they decided just to meet after the match.

When she sat back down, Vesa was already there. She said hello and set to eating, her face forming a thoughtful expression. What was she going to do if Grim really won? Surely a warrior like him had had many women already, but he still seemed so innocent. Almost boyish, despite his rugged features. Guilt tugged at her heart. Could she really continue lying to him, if she took her plan to his bed? She didn’t want to hurt anyone in this. She would have to tell the truth, or at least part of the truth, eventually…

Feeling eyes on her, she looked up to find Vesa staring. He asked her for her thoughts, and she realized he must have noticed the look on her face. She shook her head, smiled prettily, and assured him that she was just thinking. Her eyes lingered on his face longer than she knew they should have.

What she had wanted yesterday was to skip the brothel and take him directly to bed with her. She couldn’t help it; he was gorgeous, and her attraction to him had been instant. He wasn’t cruel or chauvinistic either, as far as she could tell. He had spoken to her as an equal. They even shared the same interests, obviously, as he had called another man to his bed after going upstairs with two women. Vesa was promising, very promising. She regretted that he was not a fighter, so he could not win the tournament and become her goal. That would turn the task entirely to pleasure.

There would be pleasure, of course. Even if she wasn’t extremely attracted to the winner, sex itself was fun, and she wouldn’t turn down the opportunity to have it. And if Grim won, sex with him would probably be an adventure.

She tried to watch the rest of the matches with the same focus she had in the earlier ones, but none of the battles produced winners that were as impressive. The red-haired woman did not fight that day, but Tanisevania found herself watching her anyway as she sat on the sidelines. Her display of arms had been strange, but skillful. She found herself worrying. What if she won the tournament, and wasn’t attracted to women? What would she do then? Scowling at herself, she forced her fears to the back of her mind. She would wait to see how the woman fought, and if she won, she would approach her tomorrow. She could not plan any farther than that.

A gong rang for dinner, and another, later signified the end of the day’s matches. Tanisevania stood, telling Vesa she’d catch up with him at the Blue Dragon, and bounded down the steps to see Grim again. She had to instill in him the memory of her. As she walked over to him, she made sure to skip a little so her breasts would bounce too. As expected, she got his attention, and set to flirting with him some more. He still acted with such boyish innocence, and it intrigued her. Against her better judgment, she honestly found herself wanting to know more. She left him without another kiss but a promise to return to watch the matches tomorrow. He told her that if he saw her, he’d point her out, and she didn’t know what to make of that.

As she walked away, Kaleena found her again, and immediately began chattering on in her surprise that Tanisevania knew Grim. She explained, smiling, that she was just becoming his friend. She continued pondering this “friendship” as Kaleena talked, but was jolted back to attention as the Kender mentioned that she had gotten some Reindeer fiber to spin with. She didn’t know much about spinning, but she knew where that fiber must have come from. Her thoughts turned to Vesa, and her contemplation turned to concern. He might be angry about this. Assuming the Kender was in tow, she headed off to the Inn they both shared, intending to find Vesa so they could find his poor, shaven reindeer. She had to admit to herself, that in this strange town where so many odd things were happening, she didn’t know what was going to happen next.

~~~~~

Soooo yeah, that's it so far. Here's what I plan to do at the beginning of the next session, in case I forget:

~ If Vesa isn't too drunk after his own competition, she'll try to get him to spend the night with her.
~ The next morning, she'll get dressed in her new outfit again, meditate for her spells, and then go check on Vesa's reindeer.
~ Then to find some green space (a garden, tree, anything) to refocus herself.
~ Then off to the tournament, making sure to sit where Grim can find her.

Rambling and wasting time

My girlfriend and I are waiting on campus for a friend of ours who is supposed to be coming over tonight to hang out while we both do work for our art classes, which entails sitting in front of the television and watching stuff while we do said work. Wheee. He hasn't called us yet to tell us he's back so we can come get him, though, soooo yeah. Even though I should be home painting, I sit here putzing around on the interweb. And since I've checked all my webcomics, DeviantArt, etc., I figured I might as well ramble about game.

A similar killing-time thing happened earlier today too, and in that time gap, I caught up on a DnD webcomic my friend Mark suggested I read. It's called "Chainmail Bikini," and it can be found here. It generally really funny, and points out some interesting things about game mechanics that even my beloved "Order of the Stick" hasn't pointed out. However, they make fun of bards SO much, and that really annoys me. I'm kinda into it now though, so I must keep reading it, and its a good comic otherwise, so I do suggest it. Just take what they say about Bards with many grains of salt.

I'm really itching to get started on my own campaign again. It has a plot now *gasp* so I really really really want to develop that more and get it going. I graduate in about a month, which means I'll have time to get it going again then, and I've been planning on that, but the hiatus I've been forced to take is really really annoying. I may do some work on it this weekend anyway just to satiate my want for it.

...As if I have time for that, or as if things in the game I play in aren't crazy enough. This is the campaign with Zoey and Tharf and everyone, by the way. We're supposed to have only a couple sessions of it left, but things are nuts, and our DM Wayne wants to do some mini epic-level campaigns when Heather needs a break from running her campaign, which is what we're going to be playing next. Not sure how I feel about that. I really really love Zoey as a character, but playing her is SOOOO frustrating. She makes me into an angrier person than normal, I feel. Maybe in the time gap between the end of this campaign and the mini ones I'll have her have found some zen ^^; I kinda just wish she and Tharf could go settle on their Island and live happily ever after....but I am quite curious to see what Wayne has up his sleeve. He knows that a lot of us are frustrated with our characters, but he seems to think that we'll all enjoy this, so I really wanna know how he's going to pull that off.

As for right now, though, even though we're in the process of saving the world and important things are happening very fast and such, Zoey's brain is going over many many plans for the future....which for some reason makes her feel better about the fact that they might not succeed. Here's what she's got in the works:

1. She needs to talk to everyone who's planning on living on her Island, because a couple of them are taking liberties with it she's not comfortable with and not asking her first *coughtscottyandstormravencough* And she's mad at Shino at the moment, so there's problems there too. So this will probably result in a big pow-wow in which she bitches everyone out and hopefully things will get resolved so we all make up and we all still live there, because I don't want to screw up any of Wayne's plans for the epic level things.

2. She wants to start a Fighting Academy on it....and details for that will get their own post sometime soon, as I don't have my notes for it in font of me.

...And my friend just gave me a call, so off we go to go get him. More on Zoey's fighting school will come later, and hopefully not too much bitching ;p

Some Zoey/Tharf secret paper

Wow I haven't been here in forever. Life has just been too busy. Ugh. I can't wait until I graduate and have time to work on my own campaign again *wistfully dreams*

Anyway, here's a conversation between Zoey and Tharf on the way to a big battle we were about to undertake (which we won, yay!). My girlfriend and I wrote this together, so no touchy! And hopefully she won't mind me putting this up ^^;

-----
Note: This happened just after we left, after Tharf secluded herself from everyone below deck. Thinking that she was angry because the group chose Zoey’s mother over Blaine, Zoey went looking for her.

Finding that the door to the room she and Tharf are staying in is closed, and unable to open it, Zoey knocks on it several times. She gets the overwhelming feeling of Tharf’s desire to be left alone, but she stubbornly stays there, waiting for a response.

A few moments pass, and when there is none, she lets out a frustrated sigh and says through the door, “Tharf, come on. I…I don’t want us to be fighting. I love you.”

“Reading, love you too.”

“You’re not just reading, you’re upset.”

“Why should I be upset?” Tharf replies passive-aggressively.

“Because Blaine isn’t here. And I know you feel…” she pauses, searching for the right words “…ignored and neglected.”

“I’m not upset; my thoughts and opinions are just not meaningful to our party, so from now on I’m withholding them. I think it will leave me with a lot more time for reading.”

Tharf immediately feels strong sadness and guilt from the other side of the doorway. “Love…they are meaningful, YOU are meaningful! That’s not what I, what everyone, meant by leaving Blaine behind!”

“Its not just Blaine, it’s Ciaran too. No one really seems to care that he’s done these things, or that Shino fucked up royally, somehow I’m getting all of this slack as if I were at fault for it simply because I brought it to light. No one except you even cares about my Guild and I’m seen as unreasonable and childish. What if Ciaran had killed Jozan or one of Shino’s masters? What if he’d messed with Scotty’s people or Stormraven’s clan, or your family? Its all more important than a few dead alchemists, it’s always more important than my needs or desires. This group is selfish and takes from me when it suits them, but when I ask of something from them I am ganged up on or shot down, blamed and ignored. I tried to get out of this and it didn’t work. I tried to strategize for us and I was treated like a child. I did not choose Blaine because he is my mentor; I truly felt his power, knowledge and leadership abilities were crucial to us. However, I am not taken seriously unless we have a need to blow something up or there are deadly plants to defeat. I am sick of being one of the most levelheaded members of this group and one who has fucked up little in comparison to others, yet apparently I am not ‘human’ enough to be treated like anything except a beast of burden.”

Through her voice, Zoey can tell that Tharf is near tears, and feels through their link that she is hurt and furious. She remains totally silent while Tharf speaks, but the whole time her feeling of guilt keeps growing. “I know you know I try not to treat you childishly,” she says after a moment, “and I love you and want to stand up for and protect you more than anything…” There is a thud, like she let her head fall against the closed door. “Gods, I wish I could change this. How I’ve acted, how our friends have acted. I was very selfish and I can’t even begin to explain how sorry I am…” She trails off, the Tharf feels a distinct frustration from her, and hears a pounding on the wall beside the door where the panel to open it should be. Zoey grunts and lets out a long breath. “Love, I can’t get into the room. Please let me come to you.”

“Its not you mostly, everyone else…if it weren’t for you I’d have left long ago,” Tharf replies. She unlatches the door but does not open it more than a crack. “I just feel my desire to play to the ego of our teammates waning and I fear this is going to make me choose to abandon this quest to save the world, and I’d hoped I was a better person than that.” She peers at Zoey pathetically through the crack in the door.

Zoey meets her eyes, reaching through the crack to touch her. “My love…you are an amazing person. The best person among us.”

Tharf snorts, the closest she’s ever sounded to her horse half. “That is neither the truth nor the point. I’ve just decided to leave my opinions out of our party members’ knowledge. I will be what they desire of me, a faithful and dumb beast under the domestication of our team.” Zoey then feels Tharf’s pride threaten to overtake her other emotions. “Look what I have been reduced to, a common mare, a workhorse, a mule…” Her anger swells.

Zoey bites her lip hard, feeling her own anger growing. “You are not that, love. At least you will NEVER be that to me.” She ponders something for a moment. “…If you want, we can leave and try to rescue Soriah on our own.”

“I am not fool enough to think I could survive that without the benefit of the team’s skills as a near whole, unfortunately.”

“Honestly, I don’t think either of us would. But if you want to leave, my dearest, I would go with you. I would have gone with you alone to Ironcross.”

“I know you would, hun, and I appreciate that, but I think its best not to pull a Shino right now. When this is over, however, well…it’s your island, you can do as you will, but I’d like it to be our home and I’m not sure I’d like everyone else to live in our home anymore.”

She thinks for a moment. “…Can I actually come in?” she then asks, looking around the hallway.
Tharf slides open the door and steps aside.

Zoey steps in quickly, then closes the door, latches it, and walks closer to the other side of the room. Once she thinks she’s far enough away, near the hammock bed, she motions for Tharf to join her. Tharf crosses the space to do so, lying down to be closer to eye level with Zoey.
She says then, very quietly, “I’m not sure I do either. I know I agreed to be friends with Scotty, and I like Enta, but I’m beginning to trust him less and less. He just keeps so many secrets. Stormraven I believe I could generally do without, especially if he lets Soriah or their child die. Both he and Scotty are taking liberties with my island that I’m not comfortable with. As for Shino, part of me still wants her and Jozan to be a part of our home, as I consider her family, but…I’m not sure anymore. Not entirely. She’s my sister, but she’s treated us like crap, and it might be beneficial for us to take a break from each other.”

“It would pain me the most at this point to lose Enta’s friendship,” Tharf replies, “but I care little for Scotty’s schemes. I agree that some time away from Shino would be good, and there will never be any love loss between Stormraven and myself, especially after his ‘marriage.’” She snorts out the final word, her voice filled with cynicism.

Zoey nods. “Well, his clan is supposed to leave our island when this is all over. I assume he wouldn’t be averse to leaving with them, and I don’t have a problem asking him – no, telling him to. I think Scotty should be dealt with separately…” she thinks for a moment. “I could get my father to help. But since we’re concerned about Enta, maybe we could get her to help us get him to leave.” Her voice turns bitter. “After all, he never really asked is all his crew could live on my land. But as for Shino…I think when this is over, we should really talk to her and be honest about it. I don’t know how else we’d prevent her from living there, as I can’t beat her in combat anymore.”

“She may wish to live in the Empire anyway after she marries Jozan. Besides, you wouldn’t have to beat her, just ask her to leave if that is what you wished.”

“I don’t know. Everyone seems to think they’re entitled to space on the island, even though I’m the only one who inherited it. And Jozan put all that money into carving out the mountain for us…though now that I think about it, I think Shino did ask in the first place.”

“That is your decision, my love, as it is yours to do with what you will. I just hope we will be able to call it home someday.”

Zoey takes Tharf’s hand. “It is OUR decision, my wife, and it WILL be our home,” she says with determination, though still in a hushed tone. “What do you think we should do?”

“I think we should see if we can keep it in the air before we decide who lives on it.”

Zoey sighs, letting her hand go. “I know, but making plans for the future, even if the future is insecure, makes me feel a bit better.”

“Then plan your little heart out, my love, and I will listen,” Tharf says, looking suddenly exhausted.

Zoey kisses her. “No, you look like you need some sleep.

“You can talk; I’ll just listen and rest.” She settles down and closes her eyes.

“But you’ll pass out, and not listen to me,” Zoey states, quirking an eyebrow.

“But I like to hear you by me, it’s comforting.”

At this, she caves, looking at Tharf with affection. She leans forward and kisses her nose. “All right,” she says, and sits down on the hammock. “You know, now that I think about it, it might be better to talk to everyone at once. It is kind of the same issue for everyone, though it’s a bit more complicated than that. I don’t know. And I think Scotty can scheme more easily when he’s one-on-one with a person, so if we’re in a group…”

As Zoey continues talking, very train-of-thought bordering on babble, Tharf slowly drifts off to sleep. Once Zoey realizes she’s done so, she lays down on the hammock to sleep as well, reaching out to hold Tharf’s hand as she too drifts off.

Gaming soon and such

I'm at work right now, and game starts in about 3 hours, so here I sit wanting to not be here. Surprise surprise. I want to go home, see my love and her parents (if they're still here), then take a very nice nap for about an hour, then get food and run some errands and go play DnD and slaughter some imaginary bad guys.

I feel kinda bad because there was some roleplay stuff my girlfriend and I should have done over e-mail with our DM this week, but we've both been very distracted by life. So we're going to have to do that as soon as game starts, and I feel bad that everyone will have to sit through it because it only concerns the two of us...but I'm still really excited about it. Our characters are alone in the quarters they've been given on the island we're on now, and a strange envelope was just slid under the door with my girlfriend's character's name on it. It also appears to be magically sealed, and it seems fancier stationary-wise than anyone we know would use, so I really wanna know what's going on. My character, Zoey, does too, as both she and Tharf just got done having a sort-of-argument with her mother. She's kinda nervous that its exploding runes or something.

I'm really happy about game right now though because last session, Zoey got to slaughter a bunch of goblins (which she loves to do), and then I got to do all this roleplay stuff concerning her mother and her recent marriage to Tharf. It was a lot of fun, and since apparently that's carrying over into tonight's session, I'm excited. Wheeee. Its not often that I get to be this happy about playing Zoey, as playing her frustrates the hell out of me. Through playing her I've discovered that I hate playing melee-combat-based classes, and I miss casting spells, and she's just so angry all the time. Ugh. But the roleplay stuff like this, concerning her relationship with Tharf and her parents, is still a lot of fun. Hopefully there will be more of that through the rest of the campaign. Though I guess that's asking a lot, since there's not much left of this campaign at all. We might be done before the semester's over.

But what I want even more than that is for this purple envelope thing to be a plot hook for Tharf. My girlfriend gets overlooked in game so much, and I don't know why. Apparently our DM did have some plot hooks for her, but she "passed" on them, which is ridiculous because her character wouldn't have done what these plot hooks needed of her. Its just not in her personality. But because my girlfriend mentioned this, er, neglect (for lack of a better word) to our friend Heather, who is married to the DM and mentioned it to him as well (even though that wasn't the point of telling her), maybe now he's thought of something else. I hope so, because Tharf is awesome, and deserves something in the plot that's just for her, like the rest of us have gotten.

...And now that I've rambled about game quite a bit, I better go actually do my job.

And happy early St. Patrick's Day, everyone! May we all drink to forget the bastard entirely *raises an imagined glass of Bailey's*

Some Gary Gygax humor that I hope he would appreciate

Me friend Heather sent me this, and I feel the need to post it. I think Gygax was the kind of guy who would have found this amusing anyway. Oh, and it comes from here - http://www.woot.com/Blog/BlogEntry.aspx?BlogEntryId=4118

16 Gary Gygax Jokes We Better Not Catch You Making
by Lydon, Norman, Toon, Rutledge, & Duff Tuesday March 4, 2008 2:35 PM

1. “Quick! Someone cast Raise Dead!”
2. “Don’t worry – he’s just playtesting the Astral Plane for the next edition.”
3. “He’s gone the way of Star Frontiers.”
4. “Analysts warn of a free-fall in Mountain Dew futures.”
5. “In the next town, you meet a stranger named Barry Bygax.”
6. “Now who will lead our young people to Satan?”
7. “With his last breath, he cursed the name of Marlon Wayans.”
8. “I wonder how they’ll divide up his XP.”
9. “Pallbearers, make a Bend Bars/Lift Gates roll.”
10. "At least he didn't live to see Disney's Greyhawk On Ice."
11. “Lorraine Williams is behind this somehow, I just know it.”
12. “The worlds of adventure gaming, fantasy fandom, and van painting will never be the same.”
13. “When I heard, I cried 2d10 tears.”
14. “Is there anything in the will about electrum?”
15. “Heart condition? Wow, I always thought it’d be owlbears that got him.”
16. “Suddenly, nobody in Heaven wants to hang out with Marilyn Monroe on Friday night.”

In Memory

Unfortunately, yesterday one of the creators of Dungeons & Dragons, Gary Gygax, passed away. Though I did not agree with how he seemed to treat the Barbarian character in his commentary on the second D&D movie, I do recognize that if it weren't for him, we would not have D&D at all. So rest in peace, Gary Gygax. We roll high in your honor.

If you want to know more about him, click here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gary_Gygax

DnD comics

I really should be doing homework right now....but instead, I'm advocating for two awesome DnD comics ^_^ Hey, geeking out is keeping me from freaking out right now, so there.

First is Goblins, which I've recently discovered and is also really awesome! It follows a group of Goblin adventurers who are sick of being attacked by adventurers for XP all the time. If you like Elfquest, the style should appeal to you, and the idea of watching DnD through the eyes of the "enemy" is really cool and original. Check it out -

Second is Order of the Stick, which I've been reading for a long time now, and it just keeps getting better and better! It follows the adventures of, well, a party of adventurers, with a kick-ass plot and fun stick figure illustration to boot. I highly encourage any DnD fan to check it out -

And that's that. If you already know of these and like them, I share in your liking. And if you haven't, go read now!

Game ramblings

There's no game this week because my girlfriend and I have had to travel to her parents' house because of a family emergency, which I won't get into here, but anyway here I sit rambling about game as to feed my addiction ^^;

I actually have an announcement. Zoey and Tharf got married last session!!! Yay!!! It was very sudden, since Zoey wanted a full Gnomish wedding, but they decided to have a small ceremony first and sooner just in case they die before they could have a full wedding. Of course, when Zoey went to set everything up for it, what ended up happening was that the entire Gnomish population in Karth (which is where we are, and the Gnomish population is pretty small, so it wasn't as bad as it sounds) converged for it, and the Priestess who performed it just smooshed all 7 days of the ceremony into two days. It was pretty crazy. But most of the party came, and so did Zoey's father, so it was pretty awesome. Zoey's mother is going to be upset that it happened without her, but Zoey still wants to have a full Gnomish wedding after everything settles down, so hopefully she won't be too mad. Of course, if Tharf doesn't want to go through all the craziness again then Zoey will just let it be, but we'll figure that out later.

As for the upcoming campaign, I'm still very much looking forward to it. I'm a little worried that I won't be able to play some aspects of her personality that well, like her big 'ho-ish-ness.....actually specifically that. Otherwise I think she's going to be amazing. There's going to be this weird balance in her, I think, of her sweet kindness and willingness to help others against her very free sexuality. Hmm, very "girl next door," now that I think of it. You know, that's probably going to be a lot of fun. She's going to seem like this innocent, goody-good girl, especially since she's Neutral Good, and then all of a sudden she's going to be hitting on the prettiest members of the party and the prettiest NPCs. Now that I think about it that way, maybe its not going to be so hard.

And now I better get going so I'm not hogging the computer ^^;

Now with DnD Podcast

Oh yes, I got an iPod this week. I've been very much against them ever since they came out, since it seems that they're taking over the world, but I must admit this is pretty kickass. This will help me out a LOT when I want to listen to music in the studio, but I now also have the D&D Podcast from Wizards of the Coast on it, and I'm subscribed to the Podcast so iTunes will download it for me every time a new one comes out. Yay! There is an odd joy to listening to grown men babble on and on about Dungeons & Dragons. Honestly, it makes me feel like less of a dork, because these people actually do this for a living.

....Of course, I do this for free, so maybe it doesn't make me less dorky after all.

Anyway, there's no gaming this week, which I'm actually kinda glad about. My final semester of college just started and I'm already exhausted. I'll need the time to do some homework, since I've been avoiding most of it. Also, and more important to this blog, it will give me time to continue the e-mail roleplay with my friend Heather. My character, Zoey, and her character, Shino, are in the middle of a rather angsty conversation. I feel that the two of them would actually talk a lot more than we roleplay out around the table, since Zoey considers Shino her best friend, so it makes me happy that they're having a long conversation for once. I also have some e-mail roleplay stuff to finish up with Brennan, who plays Scotty. But he hasn't written me back yet, so I'm not going to worry about it.

Now off I go to upload more and more music onto my iPod (which I have named "Bitchface"). Soooooo evil.

How Zoey feels now

There's been a lot going on with my Barbarian, Zoey, right now, so I thought it might be beneficial to examine that before tomorrow's session.

But first, some backstory. Yay! About a year ago in-game time, our party was on this entirely clerical island called Ayagod. Non-divine peoples (aka anyone who isn't a divine spellcaster) are only allowed on it at a very specific time - during this big fighting tournament they put on. Of course, our party went, partly because some of us wanted to participate but also because the plot was pushing us there. Up until this point, Zoey had been searching for her father, whom she knew nothing about. She had been getting the party cleric, Ambriel (played by my friend Mark) to help her out by casting Sendings to her mother, trying to get information about him. Somehow we also found out that the last place her father had been seen was Ayagod. This all happened before we actually arrived there, and after we did, things happened so that Zoey didn't need him to cast Sendings anymore.

Anyway, regardless of what went on with that, Zoey had been beginning to suspect that Ambriel was being less than truthful and had been so since they met, but didn't want to believe it because the Party is like her family. However, things happened that forced her to admit to herself that he had been lying, and the way it happened made her very angry at him. Apparently he had been working with one of our greatest enemies, a half-shadow dragon mage named Shade, who bid Ambriel to break into this vault of weapons on Ayagod and steal an axe named Stormbringer for him to prove his loyalty. Regardless of his motivations, Ambriel tried to get the whole party to help him do this, and kept changing his story when some of us refused. This made Zoey finally admit to herself that he may have been lying all along, and in his working with Shade she saw a betrayal, as both she and another party member had been kidnapped and tortured by Shade in the past. Somehow, I think with the help of other party members and NPCs, he got Zoey and Tharf (who is played by my lovely girlfriend and was also very angry about the situation) to go along, and let Zoey keep the axe for "safe keeping" after we got it. He said that he wanted to keep the axe away from Shade, but Zoey didn't really believe him, even though she's been "allowed" to hang on to it all this time.

For the entire year after this, both Zoey and Tharf have avoided Ambriel, wanting nothing to do with him whatsoever. Zoey even hired another cleric for the party. Now all of a sudden we are on a mission to help him rescue his siblings because Shino, our party leader (played by my friend Heather) whom both Zoey and Tharf are loyal to, thinks we can trust him and the task involved in helping him has been made a trial for her, which is the only reason that we agreed to help. However, even though we're going along with it, both Shino and her loverperson Jozan (an NPC played by the DM, Wayne) have been pushing both Zoey and Tharf to "make nice" and treating them like they've been sooooo cruel to Ambriel, even though they've just been avoiding him and not seeking him out for retribution or anything like that.

So anyway, on one of the airship journeys involved in this mission, Shino sought Zoey and Tharf out to get their advice on some relationship stuff. However, when they were done talking about that, she jumped right back on the Ambriel thing again. Only this time, it was worse. She basically claimed that she thought Zoey and Tharf would refuse to help his innocent siblings because of how they felt about him, and singled out Zoey, saying that she was being especially unfair to him because how how much he helped her out on Ayagod with the stuff with her parents, and that she wouldn't have Stormbringer if it weren't for him.

This is how Zoey responded:

Then, as soon as Shino singles out Zoey, her eyes flare deep red (though they started turning red as soon as she mentioned Ambriel). As she keeps talking, her face twists into an expression of rage and hurt. "Especially me? ESPECIALLY ME?!" she shouts, hopping quickly off of whatever she was sitting on. "This stupid axe" - she pulls Stormbringer out of its case and brandishes it before her - "is what made me realize what a lying sack of SHIT he is in the first place!!! Yeah, he's helped us, but it was always for something he wanted FROM us!!! He tried to TRICK us into going to get this because SHADE wanted it, and I only have it because he wants to keep it from him! I don't care if I got to fucking keep it! I'm sorry about his family, but I don't care what he needs from us now! He's been lying to us and using us all along, and how he treated us in regards to this axe is what made me realize it! And how DARE you try and guilt me into liking him by bringing up my parents!!! That was low. You know that was low. So fuck you!!!"

With that, she storms out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Immediately after this, Zoey stomped up on deck, went over to the banister, and hurled Stormbringer off the ship. It was impulsive, and she was shocked at herself and cursed afterward, but then just stomped around for a while and eventually settled down in an area where no one else was near, sitting on the floor with her back to the banister and her head in her hands.

This is a big deal for a lot of reasons. What happened with Zoey's mother and father, specifically her search for her father, was one of the most important things she ever did. So for Shino to use that against her like that hurt her more than I think she can express. She also feels like Shino is a sister to her, so for Shino to have made these accusations hurt more than if they had come from someone else. She hasn't even really processed that Shino also accused them of neglecting the needs of innocents because of Ambriel. The claims about Ambriel's help regarding her parents came before those accusations, so she probably didn't even really hear them. The anger and pain at Shino singling her out like that had started to consume her before Shino even got to that point. Also, no one she has really cared about has ever hurt her like this before. She did like Ambriel before she admitted that he was lying, but their friendship was never as strong as the friendship between her and Shino.

She's probably going to refuse to talk to Shino for a long time, even if Shino apologizes. After this mission, it looks like we're going back to Karth (the last city we went to) for a while, which is a place Zoey isn't exactly comfortable in. She also recently found out that her mother is on Wulan (an island of Minotaurs) helping to defend it, and she knows that Tharf's mentor, Blaine, is also there. So she's going to suggest to Tharf that they go there for a while, to get away. It won't be a permanent split from the party, I don't think, but now that this has happened she doesn't want to be anywhere near Shino either if she can help it. And she doesn't want to abandon the rest of the party, especially considering what else has been going on, but if it was clear that everyone would be staying in Karth for a while she would do it. She'd also take the cleric she hired, Dahlin, with her, as she's the only one who paid for his services.

Aaaand that's what's going on. Kind of a long explanation just to discuss why Zoey's feeling the way she is, but oh well. I'm glad I sat down and worked this out, especially since I had to go over past incidents and remind myself why certain things are happening.