Another Tanisevania inner monologue

I think the title for this is pretty self-explanatory. But here's a bit of set-up: my ho-ish Druid character has been pursuing Grimsflame, a Dwarven Barbarian competing in a fighting tournament. Initially she did this out of the belief that he was going to win, and she still believes that, but as she's learned more and more about him she's beginning to consider him a friend. She also learned that he is literally fighting for his life in this tournament, as in if he wins, he will be free from the Gladiator arena thing that owns him. After learning that, she truly wanted him to win not only for her initial reasons (which I won't get into here), but also for her own. She still continued to pursue him, now genuinely interested, and tried to take him to bed with her the night before the last day of the tournament (at least I think its the last day...that's not important). She had assumed before this that he had had sex many times before, being a big badass fighter and all. However, it turned out that he was a virgin, and she had to explain what sex was to him. She offered them to teach him about sex, and he accepted, so they did it ^^; That was possibly the hardest thing I have ever had to do in roleplaying, and I'm very proud of myself for it.

Anyway, I think that's all you need to know (if anyone actually reads this, that is). Here's Tanisevania's thoughts after they've finished, and Grim starts falling asleep.

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“Afterthoughts” – Tanisevania’s musings after “teaching” Grim

Spent and exhausted, Tanisevania rolled onto her back, listening to Grim’s steady breathing as he drifted off to sleep beside her. She was tired, but surprise kept her from joining him in slumber. There was no other way to put it – she had expected that such a great warrior would have bedded many women before her. So that he hadn’t, ever, came as a shock. Also shocking was that despite his inexperience, he wasn’t bad. He had actually been better, in her opinion, than Vesa had been, all drunkenness considered. She rolled back over onto her side, grinning into her pillow to keep from giggling. I must be a better teacher than I thought too.

Her hand crept from under the covers to reach up and lightly trace one of the scars on his muscled arms. She had barely noticed them before, and this comforted her. Her desire to help him must have been stronger than the feelings such marks stirred in her heart. She had wanted to help him even before this night, to save him from the slave-like life he seemed to lead as a Gladiator. Now that was unnecessary, as his new employer had settled his freedom, but she was happy she could still help him somehow. Strange, she thought, I actually felt honored that he accepted my “teaching.” She had never been with a virgin before, to her knowledge, and the experience had been far from the horrible stories she had heard from others. It had been a bit awkward, but they could work on that, if he wanted her to keep teaching him. She would just have to make sure he understood that she only wanted the sex and his friendship, not his love.

She sighed, reminding herself that her interest in him was not only of her own desires. She had a duty to fulfill to nature itself. Still, she had started this believing that he would win, and despite the fact that his future no longer hung in the balance, she continued to believe it. She knew also that if she continued to be his teacher in these matters, she could use that to get him to take her on the journey expected. A slight groan escaped her lips. She hated using him like this, especially now that she was beginning to consider him a friend. Silently, she wondered how angry he would be if she never told him the truth and he found out on his own. Images of his ferocity in battle flooded her mind, and she shivered. She did not want to imagine the result of that anger.

But she also knew that any fear she had for herself was nothing in comparison to the fate that awaited the earth if that terrible disease was allowed to spread. Honoring nature was her true purpose in all things, and she would do so, no matter what the cost. In fact, she realized, if Grim does want me to be loyal to him, it might be easiest to explain it like that. I belong to the earth itself, far too much to belong also to any one man or woman…

As she finally drifted off to sleep, she resolved to tell him the truth if he won, but only the bare minimum of it. There was still danger that others would abuse the knowledge of her quest, even if Grim would not do so. She would tell him that she wanted to travel to that continent, but would not give any reasons other than her own personal wish to see what nature was like there. Hopefully he wouldn’t press her for further answers and would agree to take her along.

With that she let her eyes droop shut and her body sink further into the mattress, satisfied with the situation and hopeful that it would turn out well for them both.